Lonesome xmas
I'm afraid Christmas has made me realize that I hate being single. Or even semi single.
I missed Andrew so much today. I think it was just the comfort having him that I missed. I haven't spent a Christmas with out him in 4 years. It made my heart hurt. Seeing all the couples, just having someone to cuddle with and have inside jokes. Someone who knows you inside and out.
I feel pathetic.
AW is soooo far from that. Why do I care? Why can't I be a strong independent tough woman? I feel helpless, weak and lonely. And angry! because of it.
I just want to feel that complete connectedness again. As smothering as it can be, I'm not sure it's worth the loss of comfort.
Will AW ever get there?
I have this sinking feeling that he won't. He told me he has a wall. I don't know if I'm tough enough to break it down. Or brave enough.
I missed Andrew so much today. I think it was just the comfort having him that I missed. I haven't spent a Christmas with out him in 4 years. It made my heart hurt. Seeing all the couples, just having someone to cuddle with and have inside jokes. Someone who knows you inside and out.
I feel pathetic.
AW is soooo far from that. Why do I care? Why can't I be a strong independent tough woman? I feel helpless, weak and lonely. And angry! because of it.
I just want to feel that complete connectedness again. As smothering as it can be, I'm not sure it's worth the loss of comfort.
Will AW ever get there?
I have this sinking feeling that he won't. He told me he has a wall. I don't know if I'm tough enough to break it down. Or brave enough.
posted by Duckette at 12:18 AM
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