Amstel for Breakfast

There is so much on my mind right now.

On the way to work today, in the Union Square subway station, there was a choir singing into bottles of Amstel light. And drinking it. At 9:30 am. So strange.

Last night Jessi graduated from Sarah Lawrence. It was a very laid back and tiny ceremony. She was the only one receiving a MFA that attended. I felt so proud of her. It is quite upsetting that she is leaving tomorrow. Wine, potato chowder, cinnamon coffee, and a beer.

Then a call. "Wanna meet up somewhere, like your bed?" More than anything.

I was presumptuous. He had more to say. Nothing I haven't more or less heard. But he still needs to warn me. Why can't he separate "me" from "relationships". Yes, I understand being afraid. Anxious. But it's me! Not just some vague idea, but a real, living, breathing, hugging, and kissing girl! I can't control my vulnerability from increasing. It just happens. Neither can he. He has his wall. He thinks it will hurt me. Result in things ending, but after it's too late for me. Well, newsflash! It is already to late. He has the power to deeply wound me right now. It's terrifying, but sometimes so comforting. I trust him, I can't help it. I'm an idiot.

But then when he lets go. When he lets himself be in the moment, its one of the most intense emotional connections I've ever felt. I feel like nothing should scare us away from it.