Thankful

Thanksgiving started off in a half reality.
He stopped by for a 4am driving break. The timing and the chemicals in my brain made it seem like a dream. I'm still barely sure. 2 hours in his arms. I woke up alone, but with chapped lips.

Then I started my first holiday on my own. A gray wretched day. The trek to New Jersey was also surreal. The trains were desolate and moving so slow. Manhattan was deserted in the gray driving rain. I was overcome with a soul wrenching melancholy. I almost fell down it was so intense. The men alone on the street. Me alone, walking right past them. Down to the water. The gray waves were roiling in the wind. Directly reflecting the feeling in my guts. On the boat, I looked out the window at the broken teeth skyline of Manhattan. For the first time I knew why it's referred to as Gotham City. It struck me as so beautiful in its sadness. The city is so vast, but so many people are all alone here. The extent of human neglect was so noticeable on this day. As the tear rolled along my jaw, I felt my heart tense and harden the slightest amount. I don't believe it will re-soften again. On no Thanksgiving have I ever felt so thankful or so alone.