Drugs and Alcohol
Been a while. Simply because I haven't had a spare second.
Leah came. She should be here. Not Seattle. The weekend was a haze. But fun, I know. So many people in the beds. My friends spilled over into my roommates bed even. Good sport.
I have never felt the type of raging sick jealousy that washes over me these last few days. He probably has. I don't know. He would never tell me. He never really expressed his pain or anger, which somehow I think I want. It's a primal, animalistic raging sickness. Nausea washes over me and I hyperventilate. Completely beyond rationale. I can't control the images in my mind. I'd rather be stabbed.
And then he lied. Manipulated. Tricked me. We obviously can't be in contact. I'm so far from being ok.
Not much has been completely distracting me from it either. Harder drugs, excessive alcohol, no sleep. Constant exhaustion can do wonders for your rage control.
On another note. Why don't we ever just go to bed? We stay up until 6 am. Exhaust ourselves. This desperation not to all leave each other until there is no choice but to all pass out in the same bed. It's so strange. Is it the age? New York? If we want to cuddle, have human contact, why can't we just admit it around 2am. Or even 4? Something to work on.
Leah came. She should be here. Not Seattle. The weekend was a haze. But fun, I know. So many people in the beds. My friends spilled over into my roommates bed even. Good sport.
I have never felt the type of raging sick jealousy that washes over me these last few days. He probably has. I don't know. He would never tell me. He never really expressed his pain or anger, which somehow I think I want. It's a primal, animalistic raging sickness. Nausea washes over me and I hyperventilate. Completely beyond rationale. I can't control the images in my mind. I'd rather be stabbed.
And then he lied. Manipulated. Tricked me. We obviously can't be in contact. I'm so far from being ok.
Not much has been completely distracting me from it either. Harder drugs, excessive alcohol, no sleep. Constant exhaustion can do wonders for your rage control.
On another note. Why don't we ever just go to bed? We stay up until 6 am. Exhaust ourselves. This desperation not to all leave each other until there is no choice but to all pass out in the same bed. It's so strange. Is it the age? New York? If we want to cuddle, have human contact, why can't we just admit it around 2am. Or even 4? Something to work on.
posted by Duckette at 3:36 PM
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