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What was I thinking? I wasn't.
I was protecting.
Him I thought, but really it was me.
All he wants is complete honesty. Why is that so difficult for me?
Why am I falling back into old habits?
He is so perceptive. And so scared. He wants to trust me so much.
And then I make it even harder. Not by lying, but not being quite honest.
Disappointment is the worst feeling, and the fact that I caused it for him breaks my heart.

Equal. That's all he requests. Think about how he would feel, act accordingly. That's what he does for me. And I know that.

Am I willing to truly give up the last dregs of singledom? It's not freedom I'm giving up, not at all. It's something different. It's flirtation. It's teasing. It's the ego-boosts.
He really makes me confront my flaws, my selfishness. It hurts. But it makes me love him. He wants me to be perfect for him, I think. And I desperately want to be. He pushes me. I love it, I hate it. It's so hard.

He told me he trusts me. He promised.