Dis-concert

Long time.

I don't know why. Haven't felt like saying anything.
The doldrums of winter. I just want to sleep. It is finally cold. Which I hate.

Hard weekend.
Adderall + speed + coke + booze + insane pure THC marijuana = vomit for me.
Not good.
And that was just Friday.

Saturday was hard too. Art opening. Andrew. First time seeing him in 3 months. And I was so happy to see him. Our banter was the same. So easy. I still dearly love him, deep down, and of course. AW could see it. He left me there, he seemed to understand. It was such a strange flux between my old life and my new one. It was like a flash back to 2 years ago. Ivan played, I shook the tambourine, Andrew shook the maraca. It was, for 4 songs, my old life. Natalie and Andrew.

And AW's jealousy erupted. Though I didn't do a thing, he was annoyed with me for what he imagined I was doing. Even though it was him not returning to Brooklyn til 3AM. I would have been in bed hours before. That's a problem. And then he has dinner with HER last night. A birthday dinner. Today he turns 25.

And in 2 days we fly to L.A.