Rainy MF Sunday

The first whiff of summer's end descended upon New York City this weekend. At once a relief and a letdown. It was fun to wear a sweatshirt for a few hours, but I would have rather gone to the beach.
Today was the slowest day I've had in ages. It was a rainy gray drizzly mess. And I didn't do one useful thing. I drank beer and watched DVDs with Jane. All the while the roil of anxiety was constant in my stomach and my chest.

Saturday was spent on errands. Friday night I was alone. Utterly. Last night's party was something to pass the time. I hate unfun.

I cried over A today. For the first time in a while. The weight of the loss hit me like a dead weight. Knocked out my wind. Shook my whole body. I couldn't stop gasping, I couldn't keep breathing. Is it my current hormone imbalance? The rain? The old card I found? The pictures I was sorting? The pain gave me whiplash.

And then V. Who I've been missing. Truly.
Especially the last few days. Only a third of the way through.

I really must toughen up.